The last few months have been a whirlwind, all y’all.

Here’s why: I decided to retire from classroom teaching. My last day with students was June 2nd.

Since then, I’ve been consulting full-time. On the road every single week working to support meaningful collaboration around student learning and student self-efficacy practices in districts across America.

In every presentation, I share with participants that I’ve retired — and their response is always the same: I get a round of applause and lots of congratulations. People have been genuine, offering me kind words on a career well-spent.

But to be honest, I don’t feel that same sense of celebration.

In fact, I feel a sense of deep loss and shame — like I’ve walked away from the most important work that I’ve ever done.

That’s an interesting reaction, isn’t it?

But it’s not an unusual one. In fact, I’d argue that MOST teachers who walk away from the classroom — through retirement or simply looking for a profession where they can make a difference AND pay the bills — feel that same sense of loss.

Why?

Because we put EVERYTHING into our work. We know JUST how important it is — and we love having a positive impact on our kids and our communities. We hold onto that moral imperative with both hands when the going gets tough — and realistically, the going is ALWAYS tough.

So, I’m not sure that I’ve done the right thing.

In fact, if the state of North Carolina paid me enough money that I could put my own kid through college, I probably would have spent another decade in the classroom.

But for now, I’ve got to prioritize my own family above the families in the community that I’ve served for the past 29 years. I can’t willingly sacrifice anymore, no matter how important I know that the work is and no matter how much personal satisfaction I got from doing it for my entire career. Sadly, it is — and has always been — a trade-off between supporting my kid in the way that she deserves and supporting my community in the way that they deserve.

How can I push through that uncomfortable tension?

By reminding myself that I gave the kids of my community 29 years of my professional life. By reminding myself that there are hundreds of students whose lives I changed through my efforts to help them see themselves as capable, competent learners. By reminding myself that I make a difference for students that I’ll never meet every time that I coach up their teachers.

But those reminders fall short, sometimes.

I’m going to miss being with students each and every day.

#realtalk